For many people, finding out they’re going to have a baby is a great delight – it’s an opportunity for celebration, planning, and name-choosing. Me, well, I’m a little different. Right now I’m very excited and I’m sharing it with everyone I meet, but it’s not because I’m pregnant. It’s really, really not.

It’s because next month, finally, I am getting sterilised. Time for the no-babies happy-dance!

Sterilised. It’s not a very pleasant word. Nothing really sounds good. I’m getting fixed. Spayed. Permanent contraception. (Does anyone have a good word for this?) Still, it makes me profoundly happy. I’ve never wanted children –and I am finally getting my sterilisation desire!

I’ve known since I was about 13 that I didn’t want kids. I’ve had 20-odd years of knowing this, and that hasn’t changed. And it’s not like I haven’t put a lot of thought – and a lot of discussion – into this. If I get six years down the track and do a 180 and feel the need for a small child in my life, then I am well aware of what it means. My relationship with my partner(s) will need a lot of work to stay steady, some folks will say “I told you so”, and, if it comes to that, we can damned well adopt instead.

Options have changed a little since I was a child myself. Back then, hysterectomies were the way to go. Then tubal ligations became an option. Now, for those with ovaries it’s become simpler again. It’s a ten minute procedure (called Essure), where they go in vaginally and place two micro-inserts at the entrance to my fallopian tubes, and then I’m assured that there won’t be no babies in my womb.
Yay!

Essure is pretty much targeted at women who’ve had children but don’t want any more, but hey – when did I ever fall neatly into a target group? If they aimed it at ‘kinky poly people who don’t want to breed thank you’ they probably wouldn’t get quite the same sales. Still, there is a small but determined child-free movement out there, and more than a few of us who know our minds.

You really want to know how this procedure works? Okay, so two dinky little micro-inserts, made from polyester fibre, nickel-titanium, and soft stainless steel are inserted using a hysteroscope (so, through the vagina and cervix) into the fallopian tubes. Likely a wee bit painful, so there’s anaesthetic on hand. Once those inserts are in place, a natural barrier forms around them, and that in turn prevents any sperm from reaching any eggs. Eggs are still released, but can’t get to the womb (or the sperm), so are reabsorbed into the body. I’ll still have periods, but I can cope with that. It’s the no-babies which is the point!

The effectiveness rate is 99.8%. I like those numbers. Not cutting me open? I like that too. No need to take hormones? Even better.

Yes, I’m excited. I’m getting sterilised! And I’m telling everyone I know.

| Curvaceous Dee
www.curvaceousdee.com