Isn’t it great the way a New Year gives us the opportunity to draw a line under the last year and move on? Beginning anew. This is the time to give ourselves a second chance; we all need second, third, fourth, fifth… chances. 
It’s not about making mistakes, it’s about learning from them. This is a fundamental lesson for us all, and one that is especially relevant to people facing an addiction, whether their own or someone else’s.

It is the nature of the beast that letting go of addictive behaviour is challenging, and people often attempt to do this many times before they are successful. Of course there are those people who seemingly change over night and never look back – but they are the exception not the norm. When the addictive behaviour returns, it can be particularly heart- breaking for the people closest to them. It can also be tempting to give up believing that change is possible.


The challenge for all concerned is to continue to believe in the ability of people to be different, to even be themselves, without condoning bad behaviour. It is not about papering over the cracks; it is about facing the consequences of what we have done and learning from our mistakes. Our ability to communicate in a considered and empowering way is part of this.

My observation is that we are a bit of a ‘look away’ culture – if we don’t name it, it will go away. We all know the old adage “She’ll be right mate”. When in actual fact, we regularly find that ‘she’ won’t! 
Our tendency as a culture to avoid talking about what we perceive as bad behaviour means there is not the opportunity to hear the other side. It can also contribute to resentments and soured relationships, and last but not least, there is no motivation for the person to change, or even consider the consequences of their actions.
It is of course okay to make mistakes – to err is human. If you think about it, you cannot learn to walk without falling over!

When you do things for the first time, or you do them differently, mistakes can happen. Mistakes can sometimes be the way that we learn the most. In fact they can contribute to our future successes. It is good to think of difficult moments in our lives as opportunities for personal growth. The trick is not to dwell on our mistakes as ‘failures’. A mistake only becomes a failure when the lessons are not learnt, and the same mistake is made over and over. If nothing changes, nothing changes. Dwelling on past mistakes does not help, learning from them and moving on does!


The words of that classic song “Pick Yourself Up” say it all:


“Pick yourself up, take a deep breath, dust yourself off 

And start all over again, nothing’s impossible I have found 

For when my chin is on the ground, I pick myself up

Dust myself off, and start all over again, don’t lose your confidence if you slip 

Be grateful for a pleasant trip, just pick yourself up, and dust yourself off

And start all over again”
(lyrics by Dorothy Fields 1936)


This is what life is all about.


If you have concerns about your own or someone else’s alcohol or other drug use, or if you’d like more information, contact CADS on 09 845 1818 or www.cads.org.nz or if you live outside Auckland contact Alcohol and Drug Helpline 0800 787 797.