I forgot that most people live in a very blinkered world. That they think in binary terms of right and wrong; good and bad. That they watch the news on television and think it’s the whole story. I forgot that far too many people aren’t interested in learning and growing – or in admitting that they can be wrong.
I forgot that to most people ‘sex’ is between a man and a woman, and described solely as the penetration of the penis into the vagina. That they have no idea sex can be amazing without penetration being part of the picture, or that indeed masturbation is solo sex and in no way secondary to that with a partner.
I forgot that to most people there are only two genders: ‘male’ and ‘female’, and they they either don’t understand or actively despise the genderqueer, the androgynous, the intersexed, the transgendered and dualgendered and just plain unsure. That they have no concept of the amazing galaxy of genders out there, and that while I may fit into one of the categories they understand, it doesn’t mean I don’t recognise the others exist.
I forgot that to most people the word ‘cunt’ is an insult, derogatory, and shocking. That they don’t hear it as a marvellous beautiful descriptor of genitalia, or realise that I speak the word with love and reverence and respect.
I forgot that to most people certain body parts are secret, shameful, or wrong. That nudity is taboo and shocking, and that to bare your breasts or cunt or cock or arse in public is an offence. I forgot that lifting your shirt to wipe away sweat can expose something that should never be seen, apparently.
I forgot that to most people you are not allowed to openly love more than one person in a sexual fashion. That you can have a partner other than the one you’re married to, but only if you sneak and hide and lie. That in no way can your lovers be friends, or hold your hands together when out shopping, or be in your life in more than one sense. I forgot that it’s more acceptable to have an affair than to be polyamorous.
I forgot that I’m supposed to look in the mirror and hate how I appear, simply because I have a larger body than the media-mandated norm. I forgot that I must be a lazy slob because I’m fat, and that I’m unhealthy and deserve to die. I forgot that I should never love the skin I’m in, and should feel shame for looking the way I do.
I forgot that most people lie. That truth-telling is not the norm, and that I shouldn’t expect people to be as be truthful as I endeavour to be. I forgot that they will tell me one thing to my face and then throw stones when my back is turned. I forgot that “that’s the way the world works”.
But I never forgot that I love myself. I love the words I use, the body I live in, the truth I speak, and the sex I have with myself and others.
What I forgot was that other people can just plain suck – but I never forgot that some of them are wonderful. And that perhaps, just perhaps, some of them will become amazing from seeing who I am and how I love.
I never forgot that I can hope. I still do, every day.
| Curvaceous Dee